It could be lost hope. Lost faith. Lost confidence.
Maybe you lost a friend, or your job, or your child.
The hurt is deep inside of us. And we don’t want to share it. With anyone.
It’s an actual physical pain. And it’s hard to breathe.
Or feel like yourself. Or be happy.
When we’re hurting…
When we have a terrible loss….
We want more than anything for everything to go back to normal.
Back to the way they were before.
But they will never be the same.
Pain changes us.
And we try to find the way to tell someone that it’s changed us.
But when someone asks if everything is okay…
…. we say “Yeah. I’m fine.”
But we’re pleading. Pleading….
I feel heavy inside… it hurts by my heart.
I can’t hope for things anymore.
I feel like I’m on a boat. By myself. And I don’t know anything about boats.
I’m terribly sad.
My heart is…is… not the same.
I’m grieving for…something.
I feel like everything in me has crushed.
I’ve never been able to find the words to really express the pain you feel when you lose… everything. When you lose all emotion. When you’re completely empty.
Then I found it.
In Jacob 2:35
“… many hearts died. Pierced with deep wounds.”
“Hearts died.” That’s it. A heart can die. My heart died. It pushed too hard until it couldn’t push anymore. It couldn’t take anymore bad news. It couldn’t survive. The hurt and the pain was too much. My heart couldn’t keep going.
If that happens you no longer feel recognizable as the person you were. My body is still alive. I’m still functioning. But it’s motions. It’s a well trained routine.
When your heart dies- it can’t pump life into you anymore.
And you’re just… there.
I’ve been thinking this for a couple weeks.
There is no other option to death. No way to come back from it.
It’s final and irrecoverable.
When your pain is that severe.
When you’ve lost everything that made you hope or believe…
But then, I thought, Jesus raised people from the dead.
His friend, Lazarus, was dead four days.
The Son of the Widow of Nain
I remember the day my heart was pierced with deep wounds. And over time it slowly died. But when I found these stories… I knew that Jesus has wept because my heart died. And He’s been saying, “Weep not.”
But with a heart that has died isn’t it hard to hear compassion?
My favorite scripture is in 2 Kings 20:5
“I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee.”
If Christ can bring people back from the dead I know He can bring hearts back from the dead.
He can heal.
I know He can take my heart in His hands and say, “Maid, arise.”